It’s sounds like you’ve got a case of The Fear

by Rebecca A. Watson on December 27, 2011

in change, love

Last night I saw some spirits in the hallway as I was reading before bed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it’s been awhile. As I lay in bed after the lamp when out, the dark places of my mind expanded and I started to get scared. Actually genuinely frightened.

For a minute I wanted to keep it to myself. I was embarrassed. But something inside me said that was stupid, and so I told Sante. He didn’t make fun of me. He didn’t try to talk me out of it. He just told me I was safe and asked if I wanted to switch sides of the bed so I could feel protected.

I’d often heard that love was the anecdote to fear, but I don’ t think I saw it so clearly as I did then.

Lately things have been different, and I don’t think I’m alone when I say my life is changing in a way I don’t feel I have control. (Yes, I know control is an illusion, but it’s often a pleasant one I entertain.) I am running my own business, pitching stories to magazines and trying to publish a book. I feel like this one right now:

the fool tarot card rider waite

The problem with this depiction is that I’m fully aware I’m about to walk off a cliff. And I’m scared. Of failure. Of success (which is just the fear of delayed failure). Of making mistakes. Of being ridiculed. Of looking like the fool.

Seriously, the fear is paralyzing me. I’ve told Sante all of this, and his love has definitely made a world of difference. It helps me blog for work, write magazine articles and edit my book. But I can’t expect him to do that for me every day. It’s an exhausting, if not impossible duty.

It’s time for a healthy dose of self-love, along with a stern talk to my inner critic. It’s turned ugly in my brain these days. And perhaps I need a little reminder from the Cult of Done.

Pretending you know what you’re doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you’re doing even if you don’t and do it.

What kind of things are you afraid of? How do you overcome them? Do you find love really does conquer all fears?

 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Lola July 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

This is a great read. Makes me look deep within myself and ask myself of my fears. Lately, I’ve been fearful of being alone and rejected.

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Ms. Becca July 25, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Thanks Lola! I’m glad you like it. Getting familiar with your fears is the first step to actually dealing with them. Fear of being alone and rejection are really common, so you have lots of company!

A good way I deal with fear is pin-point what it is (and you have) and then ask myself “What if that happened?” I play out the scenario in my head in an honest way: I don’t live in TV Land so I don’t have TV Drama. It’s usually not as bad as the paralyzing feeling in my body makes me think it is. Good luck!

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