Monday Morning Pages: On Acceptance

by Rebecca A. Watson on April 28, 2014

in Monday Morning Pages

Sante and I go through what we call a Financial Summit every six months or so. The last time we did one was after we moved to Germany. And if moving across town is expensive, geez moving to a new country is insane! Even if you’ve got some help from your employer (which we did), there was a lot we had to pay for.

So when things settled down was when Sante told me I could live my dream of being an expat writer and housewife, working on my book, learning the language and having coffee on patios across the city.

cream tea england

Or cream tea. Not opposed to that either.

Well, we just had another summit and the hard cold truth is this: If we want to drive around checking out Europe, I’m gonna have to get a job. Or start up my marketing business again.

I kind of knew this was coming, mostly because I’m the one who does the finances and partially because my horoscope has been less than coy with me about my earning potential recently. Rob Brezsny makes it pretty clear:

If for some inexplicable reason you are not simmering with new ideas about how you could drum up more money, I don’t know what to tell you — except that maybe your mother lied to you about exactly when you were born. The astrological omens are virtually unequivocal: If you are a true Aries, you are now being invited, teased, and even tugged to increase your cash flow and bolster your financial know-how. If you can’t ferret out at least one opportunity to get richer quicker, you might really be a Pisces or Taurus. And my name is Jay Z. 

And even though I’ve been prepared for this moment, it doesn’t make it less hard. I thought I could just shrug it off but yesterday and today it’s just been hanging above my head, like a dumpy little rain cloud. Meditating and yoga have gotten me through my day. I’m doing what needs to be done, but let me tell you something, I am not happy about it.

The making it through the day that is. The fact that I have to go back to writing part time isn’t the end of the world. It just means it’ll take longer to pay my dues. It was around this time in 2013 that I was finally getting my first book edited and sent out to publishers.

I feel like I’m making a little progress every day, even when I experience my little setbacks. The book is becoming a real book. My business is steady and growing.

I can’t decide if I think this is a setback. I guess I am pretty bummed out about it. I did read this post and it inspired me to stop and thank the Universe for what’s going on. And I can’t help thinking that maybe life is just a little too easy for me. To which I immediately say, Nope. That’s not it. Just trying to speak the German language is not easy. Don’t get me started on trying to find fresh (read: sushi grade) fish or Mexican food.

mexican ingredients

Pretty much gotta make your own.

As my morning pages from 2013 pointed out:

I went from someone who blacked out drunk and smoked a pack a day to someone who prefers ginger ale and is training for a 10k — if you can do that in three years, just imagine what another three will do if you can focus all your energy you used to focus on drinking into other things. Now it’s just a matter of appreciating myself and what I have. I still have plenty to work on (don’t we all?) but loving who I am and seeing me in the present moment is just fantastic.

And I think that’s what this is about. Acceptance. Of me. Of Sante. Of the process that is my life. Of the fact that I haven’t quite stumbled onto the gold at the end of the rainbow. Or if I have, it’s still underground, waiting to be mined.

I’m re-reading The Power of Now and this bit resonated with me this week:

Focus your attention on the Now and tell me what problem you have at this moment. I’m not getting any answer because it is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now. A situation either needs to be dealt with or accepted — yes. Why make it into a problem? Why make anything into a problem?

This theme of acceptance runs through my journals during this week as well. In 2012:

Judging is for the birds. If you are ever going to let go, just remember how mean you were to yourself when you didn’t drink ANYTHING! Remember? This isn’t about not drinking. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being yourself. And accepting who that is. Accept! … Don’t be annoyed. You’re like that too and you deny yourself still. Let him [a friend] be.

So here I am trying to sit with acceptance. Doing my best to be in gratitude. And just trying to enjoy this ride called life.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Thirsty Still April 29, 2014 at 6:08 am

Hi Rebecca,

A belated happy birthday to you–I know you celebrate the whole month, so I’m squeezing in some good wishes on the almost last day!

Acceptance is a tricky one, isn’t it? I’m working on that too. You know, I wonder whether gold and rainbows tells us the wrong story. It’s the whole way along that’s the point, not some reward at the end. But some gold to pay the bills is always helpful! It sounds like you’ve come so far in a few years, and that’s inspiring to read about for sure. I have a feeling you’ll find enough work to keep your travel plans going and still be able to keep up with your writing. Most writers I know have to work–Doris Lessing counseled a young writer to learn typing so as to have a skill that would bring in some income when she needed it. And the recently deceased and much celebrated writer Alistair MacLeod once told me that he knew maybe four writers in all of Canada who didn’t also have to hold down a job. He even thought having other obligations actually helped with the writing. So at least you’re in good company. Anyway, this is a long comment. I really just wanted to wish you well on the work/writing balance, and the acceptance, and everything else. xo

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Rebecca A. Watson April 29, 2014 at 8:25 am

I can’t tell you how much your comment meant to me, TS. Firstly, because I love me some birthday wishes…thank you 🙂 And more importantly, what you wrote about other writers having to work as well. I have this very romantic picture in my head of the expat author who writes amazingly in between coffee with friends, you know? And as your examples show, that is just not true. Even Ernest Hemingway had a job or was basically starving for a good portion of his career.

Thanks so much for your confidence in me and my ability to find work and keep my writing going 🙂 Some of this I know is fear-based as well, or maybe I am setting myself up to be able to blame my potential failure on something? Either way, you’re right, things will work out just fine. Thanks for brightening my day!

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