MMP: Oh crap, it’s Tuesday!?!

by Rebecca A. Watson on June 10, 2014

in Germany, habits, middle ground, Monday Morning Pages

This weekend was full of firsts. It included my first-ever Pfingstmontag, or White Monday, the Catholic holiday after Pentacost. Another long weekend, courtesy of the Catholic Church. We went to our first ever German birthday party on Saturday, I had my first dream in German and my first night hike!

There is a lot to all of these stories, one of which I’m going to share with you on Thursday, but something happened to me this weekend. Something aside from all this. I decided to stop. Not stop this or stop that, but just to stop. 

I slept in, mostly because we didn’t get home until 1 a.m. both Saturday and Sunday. And aside from the preparing lunch and getting set to hike Sunday and sit at the river Monday, I didn’t do anything. In fact, I don’t even think I cracked a book really.

lesen ist cool

Although I did pick up a sweet read in this refrigerator.

Something is going on inside me; a voice is demanding to be acknowledged. And it is this: I am tired. Tired of doing, doing, doing. My 30 day challenge last month of prayer helped me to connect more fully to that, but my failure to rein in my email/social media really did shine a light on something. I need to stop doing more often. I need to lay around.

This apparently is a theme for this time of year. Maybe it’s a remnant of school: finals week? I dunno. But here it is in 2012:

I feel like I’m pushing myself with work for not particular reason. I don’t even have the copy to edit and I’m stressing about it. Live in the moment, my dear. That’s all there is. … I can’t control everything. Help me. What else can I let go of? Pretty much everything. Remember, control is an illusion.

Last year around this time we were getting ready to move to Germany, so I was definitely a big ball of doing. I won’t bore you with too many of those details, but here is one little passage:

I’m all hot from trying to eat all our food — ha! We’re eating our earthquake kit and it had hot cereal in it so that’s our breakfast for the next week or two. It’s pretty interesting to try to incorporate all our food. I’m getting good at it … Of course, this is waking up my inner control freak.

My therapist told me that my long list of things I want to do every day (language practice, morning journal, workout, clean, pray, meditate) isn’t a bad thing in itself, but if I’m only doing it to avoid anxiety, perhaps I should reconsider making it a check list. Maybe I should just do it when I want to.

She has noticed my tendency to be a bit extreme. Yeah, so I guess I still haven’t ironed that issue out. Ha! But that’s OK. It’s a personality quirk, and one that I just need to be aware of and work to course-correct occasionally.

course correct

Wait, how does this thing work again?

This, if you haven’t noticed, is my long-winded way of telling you why I didn’t rush home after lazing by the river all day in the summer heat to write this blog post.  Yes, the series is called Monday Morning Pages, but I’m my own editor, so I’m pushing back the deadline so I can stop. And just be.

Because 35° C is hot. (That’s 95° F for all my U.S. friends.) And people, rivers, hikes and birthdays are more fun than a check list of to-dos.

So I’m gonna be nice to myself and see if I can pull off something in the middle from now on, where I work and stop. And occasionally say no. Where I’m happy, having fun and being productive. Where my routine doesn’t always need to be routine. We’ll see how it goes.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives.

Image Credit: Chalkie

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Furtheron June 10, 2014 at 3:36 pm

So it is a pseudo Monday… I used to love Maundy Thursday that was a pseudo Friday, therefore I could go to the pub for longer at lunchtime and leave after only an hours work in the afternoon… well some how it was justified in my head! :-/

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Rebecca A. Watson June 12, 2014 at 12:58 pm

Exactly. Psuedo Monday. And thankfully I spent it sitting in the river, not at a pub or anything. Long weekends are so much better without the booze, don’t you think?

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Maryn June 11, 2014 at 6:37 pm

I know exactly what you mean! I’ve been feeling the same way and I’m starting to realize that trying to be productive even with the best intentions can be a trap. I recently left my job after 6 long years and am figuring out my next step. I often feel guilty for not trying hard enough and not getting enough done during the day. I guess I’m starting to understand that the more open I am, the more I can stop doing and start listening, the better chance I have of seeing that opportunity when it arises.

By the way, love your new profile pic and your hat 🙂

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Rebecca A. Watson June 12, 2014 at 1:00 pm

That feeling of guilt from not being “enough” is such an icky feeling isn’t it? I like your perspective of thinking that the more you listen the better chance you’ll see the opportunity. SO true and helpful for me to remember as well. I send you loads of good vibes to find the right thing for you. And thanks for the comment and compliment 😉

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Paul June 12, 2014 at 12:38 pm

I am like you in that my lists and to-do’s started to feel stifling. I am sometimes a slave to my documented lists of things needing to be accomplished. I will even put mundane and obvious things like “shower” and “take out garbage” so that I get a zing out of marking them off the list…ha ha. And this has been a struggle of mine for a long, long time – pre-drink, during drink and apres-drink. The act of *doing* rather than *being* is also hard wired in our society (North American, at least), so to brag about what one did in a day or holiday or whatnot is normal. Not many people brag about doing *nothing*. And they are abnormal or lazy…lol. Not really – that is something I could get a piece of – doing nothing and seeing it as personal growth.

In other words…I relate big time, my friend 🙂

And as for it being Tuesday as of your writing….that’s okay. 🙂

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Rebecca A. Watson June 12, 2014 at 1:05 pm

Ha! Paul, you and I are very alike in adding the obvious things to our to-do lists. Then we can say we got a lot done, right? For awhile, I completely abandoned my to do list to get rid of that, but it doesn’t just go away. Gotta work on it. “Doing nothing and seeing it as personal growth.” YES! That could be a mantra for me 🙂 Thanks for your comment…sending you lots of love and light!

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