MMP: You Can Learn Your Karmic Lessons

by Rebecca A. Watson on August 4, 2014

in beliefs, change, continuing education, Monday Morning Pages, optimism

I’m a firm believer in the fact that life is going to send you the same lesson over and over until you learn it. I can’t remember where I heard it, but essentially they’re your karmic lessons.

I mean, how else do you explain the string of abusive relationships I’d chosen, each one more twisted than the next? Thank goodness I figured that one out before things got really scary.

I’ve had plenty of these in my life, some really dark and hard, and others more light and fun. Remember to play (knit, climb rocks, pick flowers, read in the sunshine)!

bear hug

And art is meant to be interactive!

A really big karmic lesson is playing out, finally resolving itself. One that has been plaguing my husband and me for years. One that I grew up watching. It’s the lesson about money, work and appreciation for what the other does. I could probably write something about this for every year (or every quarter!) of my life, it’s such a big one.

In 2012:

Last night I think I really hit the nail on the head when I said that I’d always been the responsible one by myself and it was just so exhausting. Sante agreed. Now it’s nice because I have a partner to help me and he’s responsible and honest and kind and helpful also. I feel like I finally get a break.

It’s funny though. I never really let my other partners in, never let them actually work with me. I always did it all by myself. So really, when you think about it, the others may have stepped up if I allowed it.

But just a few pages later we argue about money and I see we’re not really together in this, at least for my part:

I know it seems like you and Sante are struggling somedays but you are struggling apart, not together. Remember how you didn’t want to open up last night? How you were trying to keep it “together” while you talked and not say what you felt in order to spare his feelings?

You’ve got to let him know even if it hurts. You two are a team and if he doesn’t know how you feel, how is he supposed to do anything about it? Exactly. So be open, even when it’s tough. Especially to your man, who loves and respects you.

And then in 2013:

You were expressing your frustration [to a friend] about you and Sante having the same argument about money over and over. How do you change that? It’s not by changing him — it’s by changing me and my beliefs.

That doesn’t mean bending to his will; it means working on getting in the divine will. Then it’ll all work out and there won’t need to be an argument any more. I don’t believe it’s my spiritual purpose to have that argument forever. I do believe it’s a lesson I need to learn. “Move the boulders and even the river changes its course.”

This is such the idea I need to connect with in terms of working, making money and having the same arguments/discussions with Sante about it. It’s something that needs to change within me. I must have faith in the universe that I can do this and not let my negative beliefs stand in the way.

Well, ladies and gents, I think that faith may have paid off. In the past several weeks something has shifted. Maybe it’s in both of us. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the stars have finally aligned.

stars align

Not a ton has changed in our financial situation. Sante still makes most of the money and I still do most of the household stuff. But my perception of everything has changed, and I’m being honest and open about my feelings and fears. And it’s frickin’ awesome.

From my journal yesterday:

It’s clear that yes, we are both OK with how things are but that’s not our ideal. Sante doesn’t want to stay in this stage permanently and neither do I. That was good to feel like “Ok, we’re all right, both of us but we want more.” It felt right. Good.

I dunno, I guess it’s something I didn’t see before — that it doesn’t have to be a him versus me situation. I apologized for being so defensive. I suddenly see that where each of us is weakest in this “argument,” this is where we are most defensive. Of course this is because it’s where the other is strongest.

Interesting too that we both want to feel more gratitude from the other where we feel we work the hardest. I guess we need to start having more appreciation and willingness instead of resentment when we aren’t getting exactly what we want with our help in that area.

Considering the fact that I have been struggling with this issue — working with others financially — for about as long as I’ve been alive and making money, this shift has felt like an anvil has come off my shoulders. I can’t tell you how different my attitude has been.

My outlook about my new business is sunnier. The times I play with my friends aren’t shadowed by guilt that I should be working. Before, it didn’t matter what time of day or what day of the week, I felt that pressure to work. To produce. It’s a unique and ugly feeling, one that I think many of us have, especially creative sorts and freelancers in particular.

me and sante

Because I want to enjoy these moments, not worry about what’s NOT getting done.

Yes, I know that I still need to work. Yes, I understand that things don’t fall into my lap just because I want them to. (Although I am damn good at manifesting things.) I must put energy in to get something out.

But I do know that a shift in perceptions is nothing short of a miracle, and that’s what this is. A miracle. I could cry — wait, I am crying just a little — at how huge this is for me.

Sharing it with you all is a bit scary but also exhilarating. It’s a huge win for me and I want other people to know that it is possible to learn these huge lessons and move into a new part of life.

It’s not our spiritual purpose to rehash the same stuff over and over again. Yes, they’ll come up until we get it figured out, but having faith that the Universe will help you move those giant boulders in your life will indeed change the course of your river. Trust me.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives.

Photo Credit: Nikky Stephen

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Maryn August 9, 2014 at 12:29 am

I very much relate to this. Having worked from home for many years and now venturing out on my own, there is this guilt when others are strapped to a 9-5 schedule and living paycheck to paycheck.

But, I’m learning to be grateful for my situation and starting to enjoy it. There was a reason I worked so long at a job that wasn’t satisfying…to now have this time of discovery and reawakening to those joyful things I had forgotten about.

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Rebecca A. Watson August 11, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Thank you for this. It’s nice to know that other people relate to the whole guilt thing. I agree. Gratitude helps with that 🙂 And it’s about living a life of joy. YES!

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