MMP: Time Change, Mood Change

by Rebecca A. Watson on November 3, 2014

in Monday Morning Pages

So you guys, it is just me or are other people getting sick and feeling depressed around this time change? It’s been more than a week here now, but I am not shaking this ickiness as easily as I normally do.

This is not a ploy for attention or anything. I’m embarrassed to even write this, but I’ve been trying hard to make sure that mental illness doesn’t fall through the cracks. I’ve written about my struggle before, but I don’t like to write about it when I’m actually going through it.  Tragic really.

I checked out my journals from the past few years and it seems to be a pattern. From 2012:

I want to write a blog but I don’t really have the strength theses days. I can not believe I’m still in the midst of this depression.

And then in 2013:

I’m feeling a little anxious these days. I’m so goddamn sick of trying to be good. To become a better person. But I’m also not content to just be as I am right now. I know there’s more to life. Right now the only thing I want to do it curl up in a ball and sleep.

I do have a small feeling of pain and sadness in my body. Where? In my heart. My throat. My eyes. My nose. I wrote a blog post that people think is a cry for help or something.

Now before you get all worried about me, I am OK. It would seem like this time of year is tough for me. I have gotten through in the past and I will get through again. I have a good support system. I have a therapist. I have chocolate.

But part of me does wonder: Does this stupid time change have something to do with this all? (I’ve read it can affect those with depression.) Or is there more?

In 2012 I was dealing with my grandma getting sick. In 2013 I had some pretty tough stuff in terms of my family learning about my abuse. Let’s just say this: The abusers told the story so I doubt it put me in a very good light.

My Wiccan calendar talks about how November is a time to get familiar with your darkness. And so maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s a combo of all of that. Either way, I’d love it if you’d weigh in and tell me your experience, mental and physical, with the time change. And I’ll try to be brave and post this on my social media accounts 🙂

Thanks!

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristen November 4, 2014 at 2:53 am

I can definitely relate! I love how you go back into prior year journals and actually track trends. I really like the idea of embracing the dark. It’s there anyway, so might as well accept and learn from it. Thank you for being open and honest.

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Rebecca A. Watson November 22, 2014 at 9:30 am

Thanks Kristen. I appreciate your kind words 🙂

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Molly November 4, 2014 at 4:22 pm

It’s certainly an adjustment, and a major time for reflection. Things like minor frustrations, deep hurts, and concerns can’t be *partially* healed by going hiking, absorbing the sun, running, etc. I feel like the darkness of the days forces me to slow down, to reflect, to meditate and yes, probably to ruminate too much. Plus I agree, too much darkness is totally a downer. I really love lighting himalayan salt lamps and candles to offset it, they create a happier refective space. Maybe throw some christmas lights in there too 🙂

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Rebecca A. Watson November 22, 2014 at 9:29 am

Thank you so much for your comment! I did get some candles and they really have been helping 🙂 I’m putting up Christmas lights soon too. And getting outside more as I feel better physically. Hugs to you!

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