MMP: Happy Solstice or The Cure for Worry

by Rebecca A. Watson on December 21, 2014

in holidays, Monday Morning Pages, Solstice

“I’m not telling you,” my husband said, “because you’re a worrier.”

Shocked, I replied back, “I am not. When do I ever worry?”

Sante then proceeded to list off three things I was concerned about and had brought up in conversations. This week.

Point conceded. It would appear, ladies and gentleman, that I have a worrying problem. While I have admitted, more or less, that my optimism has a dark side, I’d never thought that I was much of a worrier.

That was Sante’s job. He was the one fretting about if he’d given himself enough time to make the flight. He was the one checking out costs of items we’d already paid for. Not me. No siree. I was blissfully free of worry.

Turns out that this conversation has opened my eyes. I’m clearly worrying about something, and during the darkest time of the year, it comes out in full force. This time in 2012:

I think drawing The Star yesterday helped me to feel like I need to worry less. There’s no reason to worry. And worrying is nothing more than fear mixed with not living in this moment. So do it: Live in the moment and worry not.

Sidenote: The Star is one of my favorite Tarot cards, particularly in my Celtic/Wiccan deck.

star celtic tarot

Breathtaking, no?

See how easily I can distract you from my worry? No wonder I never thought I had a problem. In 2013:

I read somewhere that living in the past causes depression, in the future anxiety and in the present PEACE. So there’s that. I’ve got to do more writing and less studying and worrying about the house. I am going through some major anxiety right now.

I guess if I’m honest with myself (or if Sante puts it right in front of my face and I can’t live in denial anymore) I will say that I worry if there isn’t something to worry about.

Last week I wrote about not having any resolutions, and then I worried if that was a good idea. Acceptance is good right? I’m doing this life thing correctly, yes?

dont worry be happy

 

And that is what it really boils down to: I want approval. I want someone to tell me I’m doing things right. This whole year I’ve been trying to write without a censor but still in the darkest season, it’s clear I’ve still got child-like issues that plague me.

And that’s OK. This life isn’t about being perfect. That’s boring after all. It’s about making our way, doing things on our own and living in it all. But perhaps I can take a little advice.

Being present. That’s the prescription for this worry. That and acceptance of what is. And so, on this dark day, I say to you happy solstice, and may you accept yourself, darkness and all.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives

Photo Credit: Emergency Brake

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