MMP: Don’t Doom the Season

by Rebecca A. Watson on December 8, 2014

in holidays, Monday Morning Pages

“It’s just a rough time of year for me,” I said in my therapist’s office last week. “I think it’s a rough time of year for everyone.”

“You can’t possibly believe that. You told me what a nice time you had decorating your house last week,” she replied back. “Don’t doom the whole season just because of a bad day.”

This my friends, seems to be a bad habit of mine. Just like the myth that suicides increase during this time of year, I’ve been perpetuating the story that I really have a rough time of things during December.

xmas in santa cruz

Christmas on the Pacific. Sorry sister, but that smile isn’t selling the depression story.

I noticed this a bit yesterday when I was feeling a little down, and asked myself why. I had a nice weekend with friends and Sante. I enjoyed most of my days and nights. But this little low point — these few moments of sadness — was threatening to negate an entire two days of happiness.

I told my friend that the depression I’ve felt this year doesn’t really feel like it fits. It’s too big for me, like some old clothes I keep around long after I’ve lost the weight.

So instead of focusing on those tiny little parts of the season that are bumming me out, I’ll focus on what’s making me happy. Lke the fact that we ordered a piano for our house on Saturday! (Sidenote: OMG will I vlog with a piano sometime? Probably.)

From 2012:

I’m looking forward to doing a big shop and making fudge. Yum! I LOVE the holidays! It’s so much different than years in the past. I’m really looking forward to it this year. I just want to send out Christmas cards. I really love this time of year for the lights and the music. And the candy 🙂

its sugar

Because you can never have enough candy.

From 2013, oh my goodness I discovered Christmas markets:

We rode the train up to Himmelreich [German for Heaven Kingdom] and then took the bus up to a Christmas market in the mountains. It was really pretty up there. Waterfalls, bridges, snow.

We were there at night — a giant arched bridge spanned the market where the trains roared above us. Soft red light lit up the stone bridge. A large Christmas tree sat in front of it, decorated with lights.

We ate crepes — mine with feta cheese and ham, Heilke’s with cinnamon and brown sugar. Amy got a waffle. It was a real treat for me since I took a pill for dairy and wheat.

We sat close to the fire most of the night; it was cold. But we did make a few loops. There was honey, smoked salmon from the lake about six miles away, woodworks, schnapps, knitted wears and beautiful soft yarn. I had such a lovely time, despite the bitter cold.

I didn’t go back any further than my usual two years, but something tells me that I would find passages of happy moments that I loved, specific to this season, in many of the years.

turningwheels2010

Here’s one from 2009! We built a bunch of bikes for kids for Christmas. Rad.

I guess I’ll take my therapist’s advice and not doom the whole season. Wouldn’t want to write off a quarter of the year. And plus, it would seem that depression doesn’t fit me like it once did.

So why keep pulling it out of the closet? Maybe it’s like one of those outfits you paid way too much for and feel guilty tossing it. Because yeah, I have invested some time into dealing with depression.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve got to keep it hanging around, like a bad habit or an ugly jean jacket from the 90s. (Note to self: Get rid of that thing!) Time to find some new digs.

Wondering what this Monday Morning Pages thing is all about? Read how it started. Or check out all the archives

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