Embracing the Expanse

by Rebecca A. Watson on June 15, 2015

in Creative Writing, escapism, perception, writing

For the past six years I have become obsessed with the notion of empty space. Some might call it a quest for simplicity, but my grandpa’s a farmer so I see it more as weeding fields, clearing plots.

farming

  • From two jobs to one, I created empty evenings.
  • From a one bedroom apartment to three suitcases, I moved into an empty bedroom.
  • From 20 cigarettes a day to none, my lungs breathed more empty air.
  • From monthly interactions with toxic people to rare sightings, I emptied drama from my present.
  • From English to German, I realized how empty my vocabulary was.
  • From bottles of wine to glasses of sparkling water, my body emptied of distraction and depression.
  • From full-time to part-time employment, from countless job opportunities to few, I starved my ego’s desire for notoriety, emptying me of expectation. To a point 😉
Basel

I still want to be a famous writer; it’s feels like what I was born to do.

That’s not to say this space hasn’t borne fruit. But it’s less chaotic, more able to stand alone without constant taming and trimming.

  • Rows of knitting
  • Lines of writing
  • Recurring dates for German class
  • Paths trodden through the forest daily

But since I’ve created all this space, the untamed, wild part of me is vying for attention. Or maybe it’s just more noticeable now that I’m not in survival mode. Regardless, it’s creeping into my empty space.

  • Spies from the attic, with tales of repressed memories, convinced their espionage is for the greater good
  • Lost souls calling from the jungles, demanding help, frustrating me because they won’t stay still long enough for me to locate them
  • A child crying from the land beyond roads, my feet squishing into the muck, my stomach turning as I came across a man feasting on helpless rats
  • A traveling jeweler trying to sell me stones he’s taken from the Wicked Witch, only to discover upon opening his box that those are MY precious jewels
  • Ambitious young journalists writing it all down, demanding to get a quote from me, at the very least to know why I won’t weigh in
I always identified with Glinda, but those *are* my stones ...

I always identified with Glinda, but I’ve always loved nice rocks …

I struggle with all of this. I must turn off and turn away from the temptation to fill this empty space.

  • To apply for a job, any job (O’Kelly’s is hiring)
  • To stutter through “umms” and “ahhhs” as a way to fill silence I deem uncomfortable
  • To eat and drink merely for distraction
  • To binge watch terrible Netflix options (think House Husbands)

So here I stand, proud of the beautiful life I’ve cultivated, but scared of and uncomfortable with this:

This is part of my 2015 goal to write more and differently. If you want to read more posts like this, click here.

Photo Credit: Anton Susky, Didgeman

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Annie June 16, 2015 at 2:00 am

Hi Rebecca!!

How bizarre, I was just thinking of you only yesterday and the above (beautiful) blog appeared this morning. You put into words much of what I’ve been feeling, but have been unable to articulate, thank you gorgeous girl. I think my space is growing prickles, not nasty ones, just letting me know that maybe a new level of breadth and depth should be considered. It’s been a weird head space. I need to anchor my new faith in actual new action.

How is your puppy? Mine is now 7 months and the light of my life 🙂

And nearly 430 days booze-less. So, the space is good, but the dreams are growing – how awesome is that conundrum!!!

Take care and big hugs to you.

Annie (AM) xxxx

Reply

Rebecca A. Watson June 24, 2015 at 2:46 pm

Annie!!! Hey girl! Thanks for connecting. So great to hear you’re doing well and that what I wrote resonated with you <3

Our pups is great. Still hating the camera but I'll try and get her a photo shoot soon so I can share more of that.

Having space for dreams is good. Yay us 🙂 Big hugs right back lady!

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