And the Word of My Year is …

by Rebecca A. Watson on January 31, 2016

in change, goals, life, love, Tarot Transcribed

So perhaps you’ve noticed I’ve been MIA on the blog for a bit. It’s been a perfect storm of family visiting and holidays, and my hosting service having trouble keeping my site online during the highest traffic times of the year.

black forest snow day

That’s OK. I found other things to do with my time 🙂

Oh, and I started a job. Yes, an office job where I work 40 hours a week. Where I commute every day. Where I actually have to put real clothes on every morning and make sure my teeth are brushed before 7:30.

The office language is German, which means along with the logistics of learning a new job, a new industry and adjusting to office life again, I get to try to improve my language skills. It’s been a very interesting, difficult and challenging month or so.

Which is why I’m so pleased that I decided on word of the year before all this began. I hadn’t completely settled on it, although it kept coming into my head over and over. I wanted to wait until the new year to make sure that was the one. And nothing else stuck quite like this one did.

My word for this year is trust.

If you’ve been following my blog during 2015, you might remember that my word for that year was bloom. And wow, I guess I did.

  • I started and nurtured a writers group.
  • I submitted and had a poem published.
  • I read my poem at the publication’s launch.
  • I continued my therapy.
  • I opened up a lot to my friends.
  • I wrote and published a book.
Freiburg Review launch party.

Me reading “Ode to the Dishwasher” at the Freiburg Review launch party.

And at the end of the year, a job posting caught my eye. After praying about it and getting nudged more and more, I applied, interviewed and was offered the position.

When flowers bloom, do their roots get deeper too? Because that’s what 2015 felt like. I am settled nicely into life here in Germany, and when I take a look at everything I’ve done, it would seem I’ve checked off pretty much everything I was hoping for.

You would think that would make me feel good, and don’t get me wrong, most of the time I’m stoked. But there are other moments where there is a big “What Now?” question hanging over my head.

choice

I’ve always had a plan for myself, even in my biggest days of partying. Even when I was in the midst of divorce. I knew I would move out of state. Then out of the country. And I knew I would publish a book.

But I guess I never stopped to think what else would happen. And part of me, looking back on all of that, is glad I didn’t plan my whole life. Because it seems kind of sad to just keep on a path without deviating a little, without leaving some space to just see what happens.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’ve gone from point A to point B without some deviation. It took from the age of 24, when I realized I wanted to write a book, to 35 when I finally published it. But it was always there, that goal, looming at some times, inspiring at others.

Right now I don’t have that. I mean, yes, I would like to write other books and increase the audience on my blog. And yes, I’d like to succeed as the editor of this magazine I’ve been hired at. (More on that later.) But I think I’m going to leave the rest up to the Universe.

And just enjoy the ride and the scenery with family and friends.

Nothing wrong with enjoying the ride and the scenery with family and friends.

I had a dream while back in December when an eagle (maybe?) told me I was going through the Golden Door. I was passing into unknown territory. And it frightened me, but it also excited me.

I haven’t felt this kind of possibility, this kind of freedom in a very long time. In fact, I honestly don’t know that I’ve ever experienced it.

But with that freedom, with that passage through the golden door also comes fear of the unknown. And fear of the darkness. It reminds me a bit of the moon tarot card, where the heroine has walked through the pillars of knowledge and into the darkness.

moon druid craft

Lighting the way, sometimes dimly, other times almost as daylight, is the moon. In front of her are a wolf and dog howling, along with a crab crawling out of the depths. She does not know what all this means ­– she’s not sure if they’re there to help or harm.

But she must continue in order to complete her journey. The heroine must trust that the path and the moon will continue to guide her.

So this year, I’m trusting. Trusting that I’ll be OK and learn German faster than I ever would before. Trusting that my job will teach me something — that it’s a mutually beneficial situation.

Trusting that the dog walker and house cleaner will do a good job. Trusting that Sante can cook too. Trusting that my blog will be here when I need it. Trusting that you, my dear reader, will also be understanding when my posts are more sporadic.

Trusting that the Universe is indeed guiding me through this life with some greater purpose. All of that. And trusting that life will be even more beautiful at this time next year. Maybe I’ll even know what that eagle meant by the Golden Door.

tut golden door

Maybe a little Egyptian mythology research is in order?

But for now, I’m just trusting that in this moment I have all I need and that not having a plan is, in a way like having a plan, just like not making a choice is actually a choice, and not speaking is also saying something.

I hope your year is full of beauty, love and quiet contentment. And trust. We can all use more of that.

Photo Credits: Eliens, Gelinger

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

El February 7, 2016 at 10:16 pm

Hello,
My name is El. I think your website is great. I quit drinking 27 days ago and have been reading your posts to help me along the way. I think it’s really brave of you to put your story out there. Good job!

Yesterday I read this post on “word of the year” and at first felt skeptical about it. But today I heard the Beatles lyric ‘the love you take is equal to the love you make’ and I changed my mind. So I’m going to give it a shot. My word is ‘give’. I’m learning it’s much easier for me to give when I’m sober.

Thank you again for your honesty and inspiration. Best of luck in 2016.

Reply

Rebecca A. Watson February 13, 2016 at 5:29 pm

Hey El! Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. I am so happy for you that you quit drinking. Nicely done! And I’m glad you felt inspired, even after being a bit skeptical. That’s a big part of this whole sober thing. Trying things that you’re skeptical about. Admitting you’re skeptical and still giving it a shot… Getting further away from black and white thinking that alcohol can put us into. And give is a good word. Remember to give to yourself too! I think a lot of us don’t take care of ourselves enough, especially those that have struggled with alcohol.

Reply

El February 14, 2016 at 6:59 pm

Great advice Rebecca. When I wrote the initial post I had not considered giving more to myself. As you said it is often neglected by those who struggle with alcohol, and or enable others who struggle. Thank you for exceeding my expectations!

Reply

Rebecca A. Watson February 16, 2016 at 3:37 pm

🙂 Thanks El! You’re sweet. Hope things are going well for you. *hugs*

Reply

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